ouch...

So i had some major frustration today. I was getting more than annoyed with some of the people who were around me, every time they settled on this one subject it would drive me up the wall! the thought running around my head was "how long till i can get out of here? somebody save me!"

i sat tonight in the car and asked myself what it was that was really grating on me? i then had the hard realization that i was seeing something in them that i know is in me! ouch! the thing that made me so mad was that i didn't know how to conquer this. I mean i can deal with it in my own life but can't change it in them. Only they can do that. But now i've noticed it, it seems to be highlighted all the more. I'm left asking the question when a behavior pattern is so inherent in someone's life do they want the change? especially if they see no harm in what they are saying.
I think the real deal in this for me is the realization of how much life and death comes from the tongue. I mean i know the principal and i know it's true in my head, but i think that only now is it really becoming heart knowledge. It's just becoming so apparent to me how much we really do need to think before we speak...
this was really triggered in me this morning when my brother who i hadn't seen in a few days told me that my dad told him i wasn't speaking to him... now he said it in the context of trying to be funny, but when my brother said it to me it wasn't, and i thought how easily could there be a divide sown between my brother and me, through someone making a flippant comment they thought was funny? thankfully it wasn't, but do you see what I'm saying here?

I've just noticed myself in recent weeks getting annoyed or frustrated when people speak down on other people, in those moments have always come out saying "well we don't know the full story, so we can't really comment" but every time i say it i know that there have been times when i have done exactly the same...and done so in the last few weeks...again ouch!
I guess it all comes down to the heart, as our mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart, i guess there is some grime in mine that i've just become aware of...and I'm seeing how much i need to sit back and wait before i open my mouth, also gotta clean up that grime...

Can our words ever be truly harmless, whether positive or negative? whatever context they are spoken in? I'm just not convinced...

Is there something in our soul that feels a pin prick when someone says something in jest, and we know it is, but somehow our soul skips that and gets injured. Over time these little pin pricks add up, we find ourselves deflated and we realize we are feeling low and we're not really sure why? or how we got to this place.
I dunno, have you ever been with someone who said something to you as a throw away remark that hurt just the smallest bit, but the pain lasted a millisecond so you shrugged it off? I'm pretty sure i have. Well what happens when these milliseconds begin to pile up... and I'm curious, when we hear someone speaking low of someone else does it affect us? do we feel their hurt too? especially if it is someone we really love?

Tonight i have just felt really low, i know part of it has been in the realization that there is some stuff i need to get right in my own life, but i wonder also if part of it has come from hearing other people speak down on people i know?
We can gain so much and equally lose so much through the words we speak and through the words that come out of the mouths of others, it's a tough one....

What do you think?

How do i move forward with this? the first place i am headed is straight into the arms of father God, i need to hear who i am to Him again. I'm also going to stop and think before i open my mouth...this will be a challenge for the extrovert that i am, but i want my words to be considered and to be words that always release life, no matter what the context. I'll let you know how i get on.