Blessedcoast is the new album from my buddy Matt Stinton. I'm pretty picky about the music I listen too, but as he is my friend I decided I wanted to support him so I purchased it via the interweb. If you like electronic sound, boards of canada kinda vibe, this is for you!
I love this kind of music so it's right up my street. Perfect for those chill moments. It's a great soundtrack to read by/ journal by/ walk along a beach by/ sit back and think by/ close your eyes and dream by...
def worth parting with $8.91 for...get it!
My parents always used to tell me I was shy growing up, all the time, i remember it. Knowing what I know now I wonder if this was actually true. I mean I know it came to be true but I wonder if it only did because they spoke it over me so much, to the point where I just believed it must be true. After all, they are my parents and they knew me better than anyone. Why wouldn’t I trust what they told me I was to be true? maybe it just took/takes me longer to trust people, so I’m waiting and watching to see who they are and if it is safe to be myself around them?
If I look at other things they used to tell me which I now know were actually not truths, it takes me too this place of questioning. Like they always told me I was way too sensitive, because I cried a lot. In actual fact I wasn’t, I was picking up on all the emotions of the people around me and as a little person had no idea how to process it so it came out in tears. The Church world calls this being a “feeler”. I also am pretty compassionate, so when I see someone walking in less than who they are, it grieves me, I want to see and know them in all their fulness.
My Mum also always told me I didn’t like cream. Now this was a clever one. I never questioned her, I just assumed she must know, after all she is my Mum. But I would always have vague memories of times she had given it to me with strawberries in the summer and I was pretty sure I liked it. But I still believed her. One day in my later teens I suddenly realised I did like cream.
I'm currently looking after and 10 year old kid who has autism, he's a great kid. He likes to ask questions. All the time. Often it's the same question he asked you 5 mins ago. But nevertheless he's asking again, like he never asked before. He always knows what you are going to reply but he still asks. He's a smart kid. I've started asking him to answer his own questions, as I know he knows the answers before he even asks. He always gets a cheeky grin across his face when I do that. It's like he realises he knows more than he thought.
I wonder how often we ask God questions we already know the answers to. How often we ask the same question, even if it is in a different format. How often He would rather just ask us why we think why? how often He just wants us to realise we carry the answer we are seeking within us, and how much He loves seeing us realise we had that answer all along. Seeing that cheeky grin come across our face when we work it out.
It's been a week of questions for me, with very few answers, I guess maybe I already have them, I just need to search within...
Wednesday 30 June 2010
“But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we’ll hold your hand
Hold your hand”
it’s a timshel kind of day. I walked into my room right as the above lyrics were playing and their timing was ridiculous. As I heard the lyrics play out, I heard God say, “do you hear that?” and as He said it they played it again, just to make sure I got it. A good friend of mine died in march and these last few days i’ve been processing what it means for her to be gone all over again. They found no medical reason for her to die, her heart simply stopped beating. I have had a lot of “why?” questions coming up which I know most likely wont get answered, maybe even ever. It’s just so weird. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. suffice to say there have been tears.
In the middle of working this all out I get a message from my sister to let me know her really good friend has been in a car accident in mozambique and it’s hit or miss whether she will make it. Her friends boyfriend didn’t. Right now as I type this she is lying in a hospital in Johannesburg, she has a T8 fracture to her spine (i don’t even know what that means), swelling on the brain and is being kept in a coma, whilst her body recovers from pneumonia which she picked up in the last few days. They are concerned for the emotional trauma that will come when they wake her up. This girl has lost her mum and her granny in the last 2 years and now her boyfriend. But I am confident she will make it.
So this is me being real for you, maybe a little more than I anticipated but there you go…
